Friday, February 27, 2009

Mentholate your Life

If you are ever faced with the predicament of Vick's Vapor Rub in hair, take it from me; it may not come out.
Corn starch provides some relief.

Vancouver, BC. During the wee hours of Thursday morning, in a small home in East Vancouver, a small child of two awoke with a mischievous spirit flapping in her desires. Realizing that her exhausted mommy lay blissfully asleep in the little girl's own bed, only moments earlier cradling this small wee child in her arms, the girl left to see where her daddy might be. He was not found on his usual late-night roost of the sofa; tv blaring, remote in hand, but instead tucked up into his own bed. Faced with the confusion of not having anyone to change the channel from sports to cartoons, as her older brother still remained sleeping himself, the tot decided to stay close to her daddy and entertain herself until someone awoke and brought her cold, cold milk.

The next part is speculation, but it is believed that the poor neglected child took herself to the washroom where she successfully emptied her bladder but forgot to put her pants back on. Upon returning to her daddy, she noticed an enticing green jar lying beside his collection of used tissues. To her great surprise and happiness, it was easy to open and smelled deliciously of daddy himself. A grand dip of the fingers and that squishy, cold joy was in her hand and ready for business. With glee she lathered her half-clothed body and then took another handful. This bolder dip went into her hair and manipulated until her hair was just right. Daddy snored on and mommy still lay blissfully unsuspecting in the child's bed, so the youngster jumped in to wriggle beside her warm and cozy daddy.

When Mommy awoke shortly after, it was with trepidation that she exited the children's bedroom. Something smelled amiss - surely her husband had not drowned himself in a bottle of Vick's Vapor Rub the evening before? Perhaps the tenants were aromatherapyizing some bad chi out of their house? A Laura Secord truck dumped its contents in the lane? Do they still make those chocolates? ... ... ... Oh. A beaver. A slick, oily beaver preparing for a trip down the river? Perhaps the beaver has a bad cold? No.... Oh.... Yes.... Good morning bug.

Although hours of research have now been conducted by the family, over twelve washes with various different household products performed and countless tsk-tskings have been heard, it remains to be seen if Vaseline comes out of hair or mentholatum out of anything.

And what do the parents have to say for themselves? They were both quoted as saying that although they realized raising children was fraught with adventure, they had yet to imagine their second child could trump their first for mischievousness. And the elder child? When last seen, a serene smile permeated his every move as he basked in the novelty of not being the naughty one.


ericandles said...

Oh, Ting. Oh, oh, oh...oh.

It sounds minty. And horrible. Horrible minty.

Poor little mite, she must have been in tingly agony.

I distinctly remember shoving my finger all the way to bottom of my parents' Vaseline jar just for the thrill of how it felt. I knew I was naughty, but I just didn't care. Then I would cover up the hole with a thin layer of Vaseline, like a membrane. Sneaky.

Isn't the main active ingredient eucalyptus oil? Tell Mia that if she pulls that sort of crap again, you'll feed her to a koala bear.

Black Jack's Carol said...

I really enjoyed reading this blog, and loved the photo. She sure is a cutie, and doesn't appear to be upset at all. I googled to see if I could find any better solutions to removing the offending product, and came up with the same one you tried, cornstarch. There were a couple of messages from mothers with 2-year-olds who had gotten into Vicks Vapor Rub. Maybe they were your messages, or maybe this isn't as uncommon an experience as I would have predicted. Hope Mia's hair is now squeaky clean, and ready for her next adventure.. just kidding. Great writing and a fun read. Thanks!

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