April/May photos

Lucas loves bugs; wormy-worms being his favorite, closely followed by snails (see fuzzy photo above) and woodbugs. Rob bought Lucas an ant-farm (because the swarms in our kitchen we can't seem to get rid of aren't enough?) found out you had to send away for the ants, caught some of our home-bred variety instead, over-fed them (yes, it's only one goldfish cracker to us, but it is eight years of food to the ants), over-watered them, and killed them. Now we have an ant morgue wherein one can view the dead and dying ants in their desperate fight for survival. Educational. (I've obviously watched A Bug's Life too many times.)

Mia is learning to crawl with all her might in an attempt at getting at any of Lucas' toys so that she can... wait for it... chew on them, vomit, and move on, all to the frustrated screams of Lucas. He has learned to push a soft toy into her face whenever she approaches. Smart.

We are also learning to eat. Yes, all of us really. For Mia it is rice cereal and mushy unidentifiable fruit and veg, for Lucas it is the constant reminding that forks have a purpose, for me it is to simply try to eat between table-service for Lucas and dodging rasberried peas, for Rob... actually he does a pretty good job when he's home :P

Chola is getting so old. This photo saddens me and makes me want to be more patient with her whining for help to get in the house, wanting to get out of the house, barking because she can't find me, barking because she finally saw me, barking because she wants to go to the park, getting lost at the park and wandering in circles while elementary school children sound the alarm that there is a lost dog at the field, drinking copious amounts of water and peeing on the carpet, and well... I'll try, I really do love her dearly!

I want this. Badly. To sleep like a child with no care in the world. Knowing that when I wake someone will come running with open arms and love me and hold me and feed me, then tuck me back in for more sleep. It would mean no cleaning the kitchen or folding laundry, I'm fairly sure.

Cake is good. Especially when it's made together with my pal and co-cake-conspirator Lucas.

a world of light and dark

Chaos has seeped in through the cracks of the house and permeated the walls with Daddy don't go to work and Mommy stay with me. Schedules have collided bringing routine and order to a grinding halt amidst cries of now what am I going to do. Guilt has bitten away at the edges of steely reserves of patience to emerge only as sugar laden treats and weak promises. Sleep as once known to parent-kind has slipped through aching hands dry from repetive washing after toileting and excema cream slathering. Dreams are sprinkled with daily concerns and ring truer than one can admit when woken by the reality of hungry or lonely lungs. Hunger is satiated by sleep and fatigue by food and drink.

Sunshine fills my garden with light and vibrating energy humming to the sound of birds' chirps and bee's buzzes. Buds stretch lazily out of dry soil despite frequent bulldozing by irresponsible Tonka drivers and padded paws. Wind winds around overflowing baskets of lavish colour filling the eye with life and renewal. The hose hums a playful squeal as it works its quenching magic on the grateful greens who turn their tender bodies in search of more of all that is good. Ants march to the tune of their own calling without care for posted warnings to not enter the house. Worms accept their fate of the watery grave of a boy's bucket or the burning abyss of a digger's scoop. Wood bugs scatter at the sound of mulch being roughly thrown aside.

This is life; filled with light and dark existing together as naturally as they were put here on this earth to mark our days.

Getting Older

I've had a defeating and tiring week.

First, I turned another year older. Gulp. Although this came with three birthday cakes, birthdays sure aren't what they used to be. It was just another day that both started and ended too early. Even Lucas's birthday card for me (written by Daddy) showed signs of fatique (Daddy's) as it read " Happy Birthay Mommy." We are all over-tired in this house!

Lucas asked me if my teeth were yellow. Time to look into whitening kits or dental solutions I think. This was actually phrased as, "Your teeth are yellow Mommy?"

My brother can't stop bothering me about my white hair. (Subtle encouragement for self-improvement?)

Our home computer has crashed and we must now seek a way to get all of the unsaved information and photos off of it before we reinstall its operating system. Yes, I know I should have been backing up. I know. I know.

We had to spend $200 for ten minutes of a man's time to fumigate an ant hill in the door frame of our house. We are considering investing in a fumigation business.

I still haven't sent in my tax return and am driving with an expired license. (Must I dye my hair and whiten my teeth before this picture?!)

Pillo insists on pooping on top of my newly planted dahlias and Lucas insists on peeing on them.

So why do I feel defeated and tired?

The answer to it all; just because. Or at least that's what Lucas told me tonight when I couldn't come up with an answer to the fifth "why?" in a row. "Just because Mommy?"

Yes Lucas. Just because.